Oh the Irony
by Fei4
Summary: The necklace is off, there are no rules, and what is up with the pink fruit? Final CHapter!
1. Oops!

Oh the Irony Chapter 1  
  
Irony 1: the use of words to express the opposite of what one really means. 2: incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of an even and the expected result  
  
Alright this is my first Inuyasha fanfic, but don't let that stop you. Now I could give you a summary but I don't want to give anything away, so just read and find out.  
  
****************** Kagome ran as fast as she could to bone eaters well. A certain hanyou was not far behind. "Kagome!" She had had a good 15 minute head start and he was still catching up.and quickly. She never wanted to curse more in her life, that or sit him till there was an Inuyasha size hole in the ground with him at the bottom of it!  
  
"I need to go home Inuyasha." She gasped out through burning lungs. The well was in sight. FINALLY. Was all she could think. With grace a gymnast could appreciate she planted one hand on the wooden side; bring her legs around in one fluid motion. She saw the darkness of the well coming at her. Then she stopped. A strong hand had grasped her upper arm and was now bringing her up, away from the darkness that would lead her home.  
  
Inuyasha brought her up to face him. "We need to find more shards wench and you are not going home until we do!" Kagome opened her mouth to say the infamous words and Inuyasha stepped back wisely. Not wanting to be subdued into falling down the well. Kagome still in his grasp was startled by the movement and grabbed a hold of the pray beads for sum stability. Not expecting the extra wait around his neck Inuyasha lurched foreword. Kagome's back was leaning over the well as she was pushed into a sitting position on its side.  
  
"Let her go home Inuyasha, she needs to take her tests." The voice of Sango caught the attention of the off balance hanyou. He turned his head quickly, letting go of Kagome's arm in the process. She lat out a yelp and grabbed on to what she thought was his clothing, but turned out to be the pray beads again. Gravity took hold and fell form her precarious position o the edge of the well plummeting head first.  
  
On the other side of the well a slightly bruised Kagome opened her eyes. "Well that was fun." She said to no one in particular. "At least I'm home." With that thought she brought her hand up to move the hair out of her face only to feel the cool round beads in her hand. "Oh..." The strangled sound escaped her lips but nothing more. One could have mistaken her for statue. A statue of a person trying to impersonate a fish that is.  
  
She sat there, waiting for some big explosion, the world to end..something, but the silence of the well prevailed. "Maybe he didn't even notice." "Guess again." A voice far too familiar whispered in her ear, clawed hands holding onto her shoulders. She turned slowly. Despite the calm voice he had used his eyes looked murderous and feral. A smirk graced his lips. Without warning he slung her onto his shoulder and leapt from the well only to turn a leap back down. Still in shock Kagome had yet to utter a word.  
  
  
  
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Oh no, what will happen to poor Kagome Please review!!!!!! 


	2. Changes

Chapter 2  
  
Major thanks to (Teo, sailorruss, catleya, Rosefire, Trunks Gal, Baka-sama , velvet twilight, silverDust , Mhera!, Rain , B-chan ) if I missed you I'm soooo sry but I messed up my e-mail a lil. So thanks everyone for reviewing!!!!!!  
  
Just to clear a few things up, Inuyasha and Kagome are on there way to the feudal era, and I promise he won't kill her....well maybe..  
  
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"Inu." Kagome regained her ability to speak. "Shut up." Came the smart reply. If he was arrogant before he was in a whole new league now. She was still hung from his shoulder, and in such a vulnerable position she didn't really feel like angering him.  
  
(Well at least it looks like we're going to the village.) Kagome thought with a sigh. "Don't get you hopes up wench we're not going to see that old hag of yours." They ended up by his tree.  
  
With no warning he slung her down, non to gently at the base of the mighty tree. "Hey." The protest was cut off by a dangerous glint in the eye of the man before her. Then he smirked. He had the fucking nerve to smirk after kidnapping her, then throwing her down like a sack of potatoes!  
  
Inuyasha stood before her, looking down on her with mirth in his eyes. "Oh how the tables have turned." He grabbed the prayer beads still in her hands, then brought them up to his face as if to exam them. Then SNAP* the beads fell to the ground below. The necklace was broken.  
  
"Inuyasha that doesn't change anything, we still need to find the shards, and you need me to do that."  
  
By this time Kagome had stood up, her slim back planted firmly to the tree, yet her stance showed she was not backing down. Placing a hand to the left of her head The dog demon leaned in close to her face. "Your right, except for one thing. This changes everything." He said indicating the broken necklace at their feet.  
  
A tinge of worry shot down Kagome's spine. This had the potential to be a very bad situation. "No more subduing, no more sit boys..and no more going home!" Her eyes widened at every word and by the last she looked like a doe caught in the headlights of a car. "You can't keep me here!"  
  
He just smiled smugly. (Oh how wrong you are Kagome.) Inside Inuyasha was giddy with his new found freedom, and feeling slightly vindictive for all the back shattering experiences he could attribute to a certain raven haired girl from the future.  
  
"Go to the village and get your supplies, then be back here in an hour. If you aren't I will find you, and don't even think about using the well.I'll be watching." With that he leapt of into the trees, leaving a shocked Kagome in his wake. She began the walk to Kaede's village, as the sun set just over the horizon. Somewhere in the distance crazed laughter could be heard.  
  
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Alright I'm evil I admit it. So what do you think? I honestly don't know where the stories going next so suggestions are good...very good. Sorry this was so short but I'll try to make it longer next time. So what do you thinks going to happen? Can Kagome ever get home? Please r/r 


	3. The chapter wout a name

Oh the Irony Chp 3  
  
Disclaimer. I don't own so please don't sue.  
  
Thanks again to everyone that reviewed.hint hint to everyone who didn't ( Suggestions are welcome; so far the chapters are just reflecting the mood I'm in when I type them.. I don't think I was hugged enough as a child  
  
Quote: I had schizophrenia so I went to the psychiatrist, now we're all better.  
  
  
  
********************** "Welcome back child." The old woman said. Kagome walked into the hut. "Hi Kaede." She carefully concealed her worry with a smiling façade. "Where are the others?" The old woman looked her up and down, something was bothering the young miko. Choosing to wait till the girl was ready to talk about it, she simply answered the question. "They heard rumors of 2 shards at the boarder of the western lands and went ahead. Sango left directions for and Inuyasha to follow." Kagome swiveled her eyes around, as if looking for something. "Well I guess I'll go get Inuyasha then."  
  
"Wait, child is there something wrong?" Kagome turned back from the doorway. She seemed to be thinking. Going over in her head what she was about to say. "Do you happen to have another necklace, you know like the one used to subdue Inuyasha?"  
  
Kaede looked at her puzzled. "No child, that is the only one, my grandmother found it, she never told anyone where, she took her secrets to her grave."  
  
"Oh..."...Suddenly footsteps could be heard outside. "Kaede! Kaede!" Kaede hurried to the door. Well she moved faster then normal anyway.  
  
"She's having the baby!" As Kaede and the soon to be father hurried to the hut containing the screaming woman, Kagome slipped away into the shadows. Moving quietly out of the village and back into forest.  
  
Nearing her favorite bathing area Kagome realized she still had time, Inuyasha said to meet back in an hour. Well more like commanded. She still had over 30 minutes to relax and take a bath. Deciding it would be the best idea, seeing as how she doubted Inuyasha would be letting her take any time off their shard hunting to bathe. Actually he probably wouldn't let her do much of anything but play the part of a blood hound, well shard hound maybe.  
  
She felt some of the tension leave her body as she slipped into the cool crystal waters. It rippled against her skin as she swam out into the middle of the spring. She closed her eyes and began to hum softly, but like a dagger striking at her Inuyaha's words bleed into her momentarily peaceful thoughts. "No going home!"  
  
"That jerk, who does he think he is?" She exclaimed standing up on a sand bar and smacking the water with her knuckle.  
  
'The person standing behind you." The amusement in his voice could not be overlooked.  
  
Sure enough as she turned his red kimono came into view. It only occurred to her after she had turned all the way around to face him, she was very much naked, and half exposed.  
  
She ducked back into the water, only letting her face show. "Pervert! How dare.."  
  
He cut her off. "Relax Kagome; I only came here to tell you it's time to go, not to look at weak little body."  
  
Inuyasha was a hell of a lot more brazen without the pray beads to keep him in check. Kagome did not like it one bit.  
  
Okay flame me comment, whatever. Suggestions! That's what I want! The more reviews, the faster I'll put another chapter up.  
  
Is Inuyasha being a jerk or what..I luv it!...er uh...i'll be going to my anger management class now. Bye! 


	4. Wtches , Ditches and Side Stitches

Oh the Irony 4 Witches, Ditches, and Side Stitches  
  
Okay...I'm backkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!! Muahahahah I have a headache right now and for some odd reason the pain is giving me a twisted sense of humor. This will probably be one of the funnier chapters; I think the rest of the story going to be a bit more angsty.  
  
Disclaimer. If you don't know this crap by now, I really am not going to tell you.  
  
Quote: Clothes make the man; naked people have little or no influence in society. ~ Mark Twain  
  
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"Why that furry, arrogant, ear scratching, flee infested, butt sniffing, perverted, egotistical, mutt!" (an: this is the headache talking) "How dare he! Like he has any right to tell me what to do, not to mention watch me while I'm bathing. I don't care what he says I'm going home."  
  
"Butt...sniffing...Kagome really." A slight nervous twitch took up residence in her right eye, as the aforementioned spawn of the devil spoke to her from behind. Was it just her or did he have a problem with eavesdropping. Of course she was talking to her herself out load a lot lately. (Note to self, do not talk to self.Dern!) (an: dern is not a misspelling, it sounds better that way)  
  
"Look Inuyasha, I may not be able to subdue you anymore, but I can make your life miserable without them."  
  
He gave her an absolutely skeptical look. "Oh really.I doubt that, a weakling like you."  
  
Red, bright blood red, flashed before the mikos eyes. "You.I'll ..." She was cut of by the singing of a middle aged woman. "Em gah e muah te mikonosckue yuio lo pe ti." She shuffled up to the fighting pair. She was incredibly short, and round faced. Her eyes were painted with jungle green, make up. Well as close to make up as you could get in this era. "You child." She pointed a long bony finger at Kagome. The thin hands were so not going with that round body.  
  
"You child must find thing, the thing that shall set you free, and only then shall the curse be lifted and spirits be merry. Only then will darkness abate, and the light shall conquer."  
  
Kagome in all seriousness leaned in closer to the woman. "What thing?"  
  
The woman looked at her, her purple eyes intense, .then shrugged." You know I'm really not sure." The woman kept walking. "Imaginuputina, key guepo kin how jin." Kagome looked at Inuyasha. Inuyasha looked at Kagome. They shrugged.  
  
  
  
... ... ....  
  
''I wan tot go home!"  
  
"You're not going home until we have all of the shards!"  
  
Exasperated, tired and confused she did the only thing she could think of. She tackled him.  
  
Totally not expecting it Inuyasha was knocked down into the ditch, but some how managed to drag Kagome down with him.  
  
The fates must have been bored that week, because strangely enough there had been rain last night and the entire ditch was mud.  
  
Mud wrestling. Kagome the miko versus Inuyasha the hanyou, newly liberated and still on an emotional high.  
  
Mud was flung, hair was pulled, and screaming was done (by both).  
  
15 minutes later Attention this is a very important announcement. (Random radio pops up) the mud people have been spotted in feudal Japan. This is an all broadcast warning the Woodstock mud people have escaped their designated area and are on the run. We don't want to comment on the beer people......  
  
"Grumble Grumble..." Kagome looked up through the holes in her mud. "What was that Inuyasha?"  
  
"Come on Kagome there's a spring just ahead, you smell worse then you usually do."  
  
Kagome stopped dead and glared at him even though he kept walking. "Butt sniffer.." She mumbled.  
  
"I heard that!" .Kagome just rolled her eyes. Then they snapped open. "Owwwwwww..."  
  
Inuyasha stopped, "What is it now wench." She looked at him and tried to glare, but the action was lost somewhere underneath the pounds of drying mud.  
  
"I have a side stitch." Inuyasha looked less then amused. Wanting to get the mud of as soon as possible and not really wanting to listen to her complaining, he did the male thing. That thing that reminds all woman of the good ol caveman days wear they clubbed ya then dragged ya back to their caves. Damn bastards!  
  
Once again Kagome was found hanging of his strong shoulders. Except this time it hurt. She really didn't have a side stitch, more like period cramps. Well try telling that to Inuyasha.Maybe this could be her ticket home.  
  
Okay, I'm confused. I'm not sure why but I am. So please r/r. Tell me if you want me to keep up the comedy or can I got back to angst. Thank you everyone who reviewed!!!!!! You made my day! And for all those who inquired anger management went swimmingly, I only dropped kicked one person. The group leader says I'm doing much better now. 


	5. Bath Time

Oh the Irony Chapter 5  
  
Bath Time  
  
I'm bacccccccckk .. (Everyone runs into corners in fear.) O wait my therapist talked to me about this. I am not evil. I will not take my fury anger rage, aggravation, annoyance, frustration, pms..out on any living creature... (Deep breath) sigh* Now don't you feel better? ....Cause I sure as hell don't. So it will be taken out on Inuyasha and Kagome. (  
  
********************** It was really beginning to hurt as they reached the hot spring. Kagome let out a small whimper.  
  
At the edge of the hot spring, Inuyasha dropped Kagome to her feet, but held onto her shoulders to steady her. Her eyes were squinted shut, in what appeared to be pain, but through all the mud it was hard to tell.  
  
He shrugged it off and moved past her. Kagome didn't open her eyes until she heard the movement of water behind her.  
  
She turned just in time to witness the fully clothed hanyou enter the water. Another wave of pain washed over her, starting at her abdomen.  
  
She moved to the water going in fully clothed just as Inuyasha had. The hot water, felt so good, as clouds of mud drifted away from her body.  
  
She moved towards a rock that was underwater and sat upon it and began the tedious task of getting dried mud out of her hair.  
  
The hot water was helping with the cramps so all was good...until she heard a rather large splash.  
  
Looking up all appeared calm, save one fact. Inuyasha was no where in site and the splash had come from the very wet, now mud free clothes.that Inuyasha was/should be wearing, that were now occupying the shore line.  
  
He resurfaced a ways away from her, his back to her. "Now no looking, no matter how much you want to Kagome." That arrogant voice was going to send her to her grave.  
  
Blood was flashing in front of her eyes once more. Isn't it some medical fact somewhere that getting angry deducts years off your life as well raises blood pressure?  
  
"I wouldn't look if I was paid to Inuyasha, so no worries."  
  
"Paid? Why Kagome I had no idea you were into the whoring business, though I doubt anyone would pay you to do anything."  
  
That was the last straw, PMS coupled with that extreme insult sent her off the edge. Again.  
  
She stood up on her rock. "Look you arrogant, loud mouthed sorry excuse for a man, I have had it up to here with you. Another comment like that and you can forget about ever getting the rest of the jewel shards, because I will not help you under any circumstances. Why don't you go find Kikyio, (an: I forgot how to spell her name) because she's the only whore around here. Besides she can detect the jewel shard just as well, and you have no reason to stay with me. Furthermore, I detest you; you carry me around like a sack of potatoes, like you have any right to tell me what the hell to do. So why don't you leave me the HELL ALONE!"  
  
At the end of her speech she gasped slightly astonished at the slew of words that had tumbled out of her mouth, yet she felt oddly proud of herself.  
  
Inuyasha was equally amazed, yet not very proud of her. More like very pissed off. No one talked like that to him.  
  
He strode towards her with intent. The water level was low enough for him to walk to her. He was submerged only up to his waist.  
  
When he reached her there was a slight problem she still stood upon the rock. With much annoyance he grabbed her about the waist in order to haul her down to face him. As his hands grabbed her waste his thumbs unintentional pushed hard into her abdomen. Kagome yelped in pain. It hurt like hell.  
  
As he brought her down, her hands clung onto his wrists in a useless attempt to remove them.  
  
"Stop it that hurts!" She gasped out.  
  
She received a growl in return. "I will ignore that little speech of yours, but only because you're not within you right state of mind right now."  
  
He dragged her over to the shore line. She didn't protest much; she was more then a little worried about the repercussions of her words.  
  
"Hey.not right state of mind.wha..."  
  
"Your monthly cycle, your hormonal right now." He said like it was the most blatantly oblivious thing in the world.  
  
He set her on the shore. Kagome wasn't paying much attention; she was lost in her own thoughts. (I should have known he could tell must be a demon thing)  
  
Inuyasha noticed her preoccupied state and decided this was his chance. He moved gracefully out of the water. Droplets of water glistened off his naked flesh.  
  
It took a few moments for Kagome to realize what had happened just off to her left. She turned around only to be faced with a very naked sight. Her face heated up and she jerked her gaze back around.  
  
Maybe he hadn't noticed.  
  
"I thought you said you couldn't even be paid to look Kagome." Apparently he did.  
  
He came back over to her with a blanket wrapped around his waste. One he had taken from her bag.  
  
He looked at her; there was anger in his eyes, but also something else.  
  
"Take off your clothes." Well that takes care of the something else.  
  
"I don't thi.."  
  
Once more he cut her off. "You can't sit around in soaking wet clothes."  
  
"I can to!" Where this streak of stubbornness was born she did not know, but she would not do as he said, for the mere fact that he said to do it.  
  
With a growl Kagome was reminded of his vindictive nature. He grabbed the front of her school uniform, using his other hand he drew a sharp claw down the side of it, starting at the collar. When he reached her skirt he kept going. All Kagome could do was stare at him in horror.  
  
He stepped back gingerly. The articles of clothing just fell away, leaving Kagome in her bra and panties.  
  
"How dare you!!!" She backed away, trying to find the other blanket in her bag. She cursed her stupidity in not bringing another change of clothes this time.  
  
Well she was shuffling through her bag. In the next moment she had warm soft material covering her.  
  
It took a few hours fro there clothes to dry. In that time they had avoided any further arguments. Kagome had managed to get the rest of the mud out of her hair while Inuyasha was looking for food.  
  
The duo had been walking a while now, and Kagome hadn't said much, between the pain and her anger towards hanyou, she didn't feel much like having a conversation. She pulled the blanket tighter around her. Stupid hanyou, ruining her clothes.  
  
She sighed as the well came into sight..THE WELL!!!!  
  
"Inuyasha why are we here?"  
  
He looked at her and smirked, though irritation was clearly written on his face.  
  
"Well you have to deal with your stupid female problem, and I'm sick of hearing you whine."  
  
"I have not been.whininiiinnnnnnnnnng." The last part was squealed as she was lifted off the ground.  
  
It was half an hour later that a newly showered Kagome lay down in her bed. The water could be heard running in the bathroom. She had shown Inuyasha how to use the shower.  
  
Soap was the only way to really be rid of all the mud and grime.  
  
She meant to only rest her eyes she needed to tell dog boy where to sleep, when he got out of the shower.  
  
She moved her hand in a soothing circular pattern on her stomach. It wasn't fair; guys never had to go through this.  
  
She looked down at her stomach where her clawed hand was rubbing...Clawed??? That was not her hand.  
  
"Go to sleep were going back early in the mourning." The words were mumbled against her neck. The warm breath sent tingles through her body. He pressed his larger form closer to her back, so that they were now in a spoon position. It was a good thing no one was home.  
  
Kagome, wanted to yell at him really she did, but his strong, hand was gently taking her pain away and no force on Earth could make her ask him to stop.  
  
"Goodnight Inuyasha."  
  
**************************************** Okay, so there was some mush in there. So sue me. Please review w/ suggestions they are much appreciated. Don't forget that crazy ladies song; it will come in to play later. If I remember. The rest of the gang should be in the next chapter for anyone wandering when that was going to happen. 


	6. Drawstring Pants

Oh the Irony  
  
Chapter 6  
  
Drawstring Pants  
  
AN: Okay this is going to be a short one. It's late and I still haven't started my hw...jeee where are my priorities? Sry about not updating sooner, but mid terms are coming up..o joy..btw, the title of the chapter has nothing to do w/ those porn videos if that's what any of you were thinking!!!!!!! *  
  
Why can't Mr. Fork and Miss Electrical outlet just be friends?  
  
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"Hurry up!"  
  
"Shut up!"  
  
"PMS much Kagome?"  
  
Damn Sota, was all Kagome could think, why did he have to go and tell Inuyasha about that. The little brat is forgetting who he lives with. Well who knows how long he will live after this.  
  
It all depends on how long Inuyasha keeps asserting the fact that he is a chauvinistic pig.  
  
Kagome stopped walking. There in the ditch was mud. Hmmmm, why does this seem familiar? Mud. The back of Inuyasha's head.mud.head.mud.Throw mud!  
  
"Oops."  
  
Direct hit. (an: sry couldn't resist, I luvvvvvvvv the mud) "KAGOME!!!!!!!"  
  
Needless to say she ended up strung across his shoulder once more.  
  
She didn't say a word. Well accept for the first full 15 minutes of yelling, she didn't say a word after that.  
  
"Inuyasha lets make a deal, you put me down, and this time I'll keep up."  
  
"Now why would I do that? You're keeping up just fine now." He laughed. She growled, pretty impressive for a human.  
  
She looked down..at his butt. (an: like 2 puppies romping under a blanket.:))  
  
His pants were draw string she was pretty sure. She wanted down and she was going to get down through any means possible.  
  
Her bag was hanging off his other shoulder, in perfect reach. She slipped a hand a quietly as possible into the side pocket. She pulled out a small knife jackknife. Her mother had suggested it. Seeing as how she was always outside, maybe it would come in handy. (an: do u ever wander if mothers are psychic?)  
  
She quietly lifted the top part of his kimono, to where his pants were. Now the drawstring would have to be on the inside, so she carefully cut through the waist hem. She reached the drawstring, success!  
  
With a flick of her wrist it was cut. She waited, and was dutifully rewarded. The pants slackened then fell.  
  
Inuyasha was not expecting this new obstacle and tripped, setting Kagome on her feet, by sheer coincidence.  
  
She didn't stop to watch the hilarity unfolding, but booked it of the path and into the forest.  
  
She hoped she was heading in the right direction, towards the western border, where Sango and the others were.  
  
A howl erupted behind her. "Okay, that's not good."  
  
******************************* Okay, I'm really sry that sucked but I'll have a new longer. chapter up by the end of this Sunday at least. Now I want opinions, do u want the next chapter, funny or more angsty. I have a really big fight planned for the 2, but..i'm not telling u when I plan to do that. ( 


	7. Unexpected

Chapter 7  
  
Unexpected  
  
AN: Alright first off I have to say I got my first bad review.. From: super gotenks()  
  
what the hell was that that sucked  
  
That is exactly what was written. Now I agree.chapter 6 sucked ass, but for future reference, how bout being a lil more creative. Like telling me why. Comprende?  
  
Of course now I actually have to say thanx, because right after I read that I started on the next chapter. This is hopefully be a lot better then the last two, I keep changing from messed up angst to humor, but alas I think I finally found a happy medium. Anger, angst, w/ comic relief thrown in for my own amusement. So here it goes. Please please please, review!!! I want to know, whats good whats bad.where do u want the story to go.  
  
*************************** She moved as fast as she could. Kagome knew he could follow her sent; it was inevitable that he would catch up to her, but she wanted to have made it to the others by then.  
  
The thudding of her own heart was deafening her ears. She didn't want to be alone with Inuyasha again, anytime soon. She had pushed him one too many times. He was in short, pissed.  
  
  
  
She could hear Sango. "Miroku, you letch!" She surged foreword with a renewed sense of urgency. She flew into the clearing of the campsite.  
  
She tripped over Shippou, and sailed head first, into a hard masculine body. Shit, she thought. Miroku's not that buff. She kept her head bent, pressed into the hard stomach. Not particularly wanting to look up.  
  
"Kagome, first you're taking off my pants, and then you're just falling all over me. If you want me that badly, you should just say so.'  
  
She felt the heat rise up her face. "Kagome?!' Sango asked. "It's not how it sounds Sango. I ripped his pants, because he wouldn't put me down. Honestly"  
  
Shippou stepped up to Inuyasha, now that he had pushed Kagome off him. "Where are the prayer beads?" Asked a slightly fearful Shippou. The hanyou's only response was a wide toothy grin that suggested one too many things.  
  
It took an hour to explain the situation, another hour to get Inuyasha to leave Shippou alone.  
  
It was late night before everyone was ready to settle down. Inuyasha was asleep in his tree. Sango was lying down by Kagome. Miroku was on the other side of the fire, upon the death threats of the girls. Shippou was snuggled into Kagome's sleeping bag and all was well.  
  
(Yeah right.) "Pst..Pst Sango." Kagome hissed to the dozing girl beside her. She opened her eyes, and almost opened her mouth before Kagome silenced her. She pointed to the silver haired creature in the tree. Sango caught on.  
  
Together Sango and Kagome crept out of the campsite. Once they were a good football length away Sango finally spoke. "So what's this about Kagome?"  
  
"Sango we need to find another necklace to bind Inuyasha. He's impossible. I can't stand it anymore. He won't ever let me go home, until all the jewel shards are collected."  
  
Sango raised an eyebrow. "And this is a new development?"  
  
Kagome sighed exasperated. "Well now I can't sit him, so yeah slightly new development." She said with irritation.  
  
"Alright Kagome, there's a witch about days travel from here. Its rumored she knows all these ancient spells. Maybe she can create a new necklace, or perhaps tell us who created the first one."  
  
Kagome looked hopeful for a minute, and then her eyes clouded. "Yeah, but Inuyasha will get suspicious. He knows the jewel is around the western border."  
  
Sango thought for a moment, and then seemed to hesitate, even though she looked like she had an answer. "What if..Miroku and I, go to find the witch and another necklace? You and Inuyasha stay here, looking or the jewel shard. That way he'll never suspect what we're doing."  
  
"That could work, except what we would say you are doing when you leave us."  
  
"There's another jewel shard in the village. The witch is guarding it."  
  
"Another jewel shard?"  
  
The voice was not Kagome's. "Inuyasha!" "Yes, and just what do you two think your doing out here. This is the fucking western boarder if you haven't forgotten, unless you were looking to meet up with my brother."  
  
His voice was icy. Anger boiled just below the surface of his eyes. "We didn't want to wake the others. Miroku and I will leave tomorrow to collect the other jewel shard, while you and Kagome try to pinpoint this one." Sango raised her eyes defiantly daring him to argue the plan.  
  
He did not. "Fine, now get back to camp."  
  
Inuyasha grabbed Kagome's arm, and just about dragged her along. "Hey you jerk let go!"  
  
Sango followed carefully concealing her amusement, laughing wasn't going to get the hanyou to cool down anytime soon.  
  
They reached the campsite, and Kagome tried to pull free of Inuyasha, so she could lie down, but he held tight.  
  
"Inu.ahhhhhhhhhhhh"  
  
He leapt into the tree, Kagome along with him. Before Kagome could say a word he stated firmly. "I don't think I can trust you to stick around, so you're staying where I can keep an eye on you."  
  
Kagome's face was completely indignant. Then like an angry child she pointed to her friend. "But she went with me! How come I'm the only one in the damn tree?"  
  
"Because it was your idea to leave in the first place."  
  
"You heard us leave?!" Inuyasha pulled Kagome's back to him. "The dead could have heard you leave."  
  
Sango was muffling a laugh in her blankets. Those two were made to each other she though, before drifting off.  
  
Kagome stayed awake long into the night. She was Very much aware of his heat. The warmth of his muscular body, pressed against her own. His heart beat, steady, comforting in way.  
  
She moved back against him, reclining more to get comfortable. Why the hell did he have to sleep in a tree?  
  
As she moved she felt him respond. (Not that way!) He moved his hands up her arms, his clawed fingertips grazing her chest. The gesture seemed only meant to comfort for her brought his hands back down slowly, Holding her to him as he brought his arms around her middle, lightly. She sighed. It was now past midnight, and she was tired. Her head rolled to the side as she fell into slumber.  
  
Inuyasha awoke as he heard Movement down below.  
  
It was the group. Shippou was whining about being up so early. Sango hushed him and delivered a smack to Miroku, his wandering hand had brought him another bruise. It was a wander he didn't have brain damage yet. Meh.maybe he did.....  
  
Inuyasha watched as they left. It was still early and there was no need to get up so he settled back down.  
  
He inhaled the scent of the black haired vixen's hair. She smelt of vanilla and a light trace fruit, Sweet enough to eat. Her slender neck exposed to him, the dark tresses had blown aside in the night.  
  
Her could here her pulse, the blood rushing through her veins. Her own natural smell intoxicated him. He bent his head forward and nuzzled her soft flesh. Then he licked her, Just tasting the slightly salty tang of her skin.  
  
His eyes lulled to the side. What was this feeling? His arms tightened around her middle. He went to her neck again, this time delivering an open mouth kiss. The blood just below the surface of the skin rose a little at the heat of his mouth. He felt his fangs elongate, and did not think as he pressed them into her soft neck.  
  
The metallic tang of blood drugged him. He felt her stir but held tighter. "Inuyasha!"  
  
"Stop please!"  
  
He heard her, but a part of him, a very primal part ingnored her,  
  
until he heard another's presence. The smell of his dear brother assaulted him.  
  
"Yes Inuyasha, do stop, I don't think she can take much more blood loss."  
  
It was not concern for Kagome which lead to this statement, but pure malice for his brother, and a chance to insult his weakness.  
  
"Put the bitch down little brother, I have no quarrel with her." His tone was deadly and sharp. Fluffykins was standing on his branch only a few feet from him. How had he messed up this badly?  
  
He took the shaking Kagome and jumped to the ground. His brother followed. He set Kagome down then moved away from her. This wasn't going to be a pretty fight.  
  
************************** So watcha think? Any suggestions would be good. I'm not quite sure what to do for the fight scene, so any input would be great.  
  
Happy Holidays! 


	8. and Everone was Kung Fu fighting

Chapter 8 Title: (and yes this is the title) and everyone was Kung Fu fighting.  
  
Random Quote: Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone. Tommy Cooper  
  
******************************  
  
Sesshomaru charged, his face the normal emotionless expression. Inuyasha blocked going down to the ground.  
  
"Inuyasha you're an asshole!" The hanyou wheeled on the angry young woman. Her eyes on fire and she examined the blood on her hand, that had come from her neck.  
  
She looked at him and pointed. "Kagome what the .." Smack!  
  
"Fluffy get off!" He eyes crossed, and he ignored his growling brother as the fairies on his shoulder started to dance.  
  
Sessy moved in for the kill. His eyes huge and there was doggy drool coming from the corner of his mouth. (Think possessed super model on crack in Burger King)  
  
Inuyasha managed to kick his brother off, and unsheathe the T sword (an: like hell I know how to spell it)  
  
He wielded his sword and went to slash, the snobbier half of his gene pool. He was halted by a tugging on his hair. "Leave my Sessy alone ya big meany!" Rin was hanging off his hair, with a look of hell in her little eyes.  
  
He grabbed her by her ankle and was about to unleash his anger on the little girl when Kagome butted in. "You put her down, what the hell is wrong with you! Picking on a poor defenseless little girl!"  
  
The aforementioned defenseless little girl was doing her best to gnaw his fingers off.  
  
He tried to dislodge the little pest, without hurting her, seeing as how Kagome was standing directly in front of him. He would face Kikyo and her arrows any day to this hell.  
  
BAM!  
  
First rule of fighting, never turn your back to your opponent, especially, demon ones who have specific vendettas against you. (doi!)  
  
The amount of time that lapsed during his time in lala land was undetermined. He looked up a Kagome; she was kneeling beside him, looking anything but pleased. Yeah...he definnetly was better of in lala land, the fairies were nice.  
  
"Where's my brother?"  
  
"He left."  
  
"He just left.he didn't take the sword or anything, he didn't even try to kill me he just FRICKEN left?!"  
  
"No he called up the mother ship and had the little green aliens beam him up...yeah he just LEFT!  
  
"Aliens?" (an; Fox Mulder pops up from the x-files, looks over the scene, then in his most pensive voice. THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE!"  
  
"Oh, shut up!"  
  
"Now you have to answer my question Inuyasha, why the hell did you bite me!" Her words were hissed through clenched teeth.  
  
He brushed right past her. "Hey get back here, ya vampire! I demand an answer."  
  
Inuyasha stopped, his muscles were visably tightening. "It's..I.the thing is..it's a claiming bite!"  
  
He tensed up even more awaiting the shriek that was sure to follow. "I already new that, your brother told me. I just wanted to see you squirm." She smiled sweetly at him and walked right on by.  
  
Inuyasha tried to speak but it was exceedingly difficult with his jaw ground level.  
  
Just as he though he could form a syllable Kagome turned back. "And if you ever try anything like that again, I will have to castrate you."  
  
Yet again he was speechless.  
  
They walked mostly in silence. There was a human supposedly around with a jewel shard. Which was hard to believe considering all the demons wanting them?  
  
Kagome was still angry at Inuyasha, just in general. Claiming bite.yeah she was his friend but come on. Friendship isn't like a pair of underwear where you can write your name on the tag so no one steals them.  
  
Sigh* I just have to keep Inuyasha busy while the others get another necklace. Then he is in for a world of sits! (an: insert evil laugh here.)  
  
******************************************** Eh..u asked for humor.please r/r. the suggestions are really helping. I know exactly how I want this to end but that fun filled stuff in between is a lil sketchy. 


	9. Pink Fruit

Oh the irony chapter9 Pink Fruit Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! I'm baccccccck. Okay Gemini, this going out to you!  
  
***************************************************  
  
Sango and Miroku walked on. It had been hours since they left Inuyasha and Kagome. "So.do you think it was wise to leave those two together?" Miroku asked. His hand was inadvertently heading for the curve of her ass. "It's about as wise as us two being together." WHACK! She nailed his little perverted head to the ground. "Someone's likely to get hurt."  
  
"Hey guys wait up!" Shippou came running up. "What do you have there?" Sango asked, gesturing towards the purple pink plants Shippou carried. "Food! Here!" He handed some out to Sango, though Miroku refused.  
  
"I have a rule against eating things that are pink." Sango gave him a dubious look. "Is your masculinity that easily compromised?"  
  
She brought the plant to her nose and smelt it. It smelt of jasmine, or honey. She smiled faintly. Miroku looked at her with eyebrow arched.  
  
Shippou ate it first. "Yummmmmmm!" He exclaimed to no one in particular. Sango looked at Miroku and shrugged before popping the pink morsel into her mouth.  
  
"Your right Shippou that was good." She turned back to Miroku, why don't you try some it is good." A wave of dizziness hit her. "Whoa!" Miroku stepped towards her and grasped her arms. "Are you." Sango's eyes suddenly focused on him. Her red lips parting ever so slightly.  
  
She grabbed his face and devoured his lips with her own. She pushed him right back into a tree. "Sango, what are you....I mean, not that I'm not enjoooooooooying." His voice rose as she nibbled his ear. "It."  
  
"I'm going to leave you guys alone now." Shippou hurried off, his dad had already given him the talk, and he didn't need visual confirmation.  
  
"Wait Shippou comeback!" Miroku had no idea what do to do with the woman, tearing off his shirt. Well he had a few ideas, but none of them she would be to pleased with when whatever was wrong wore off. "Help me get her off!" Shippou walked back timidly.  
  
Together they managed to pry Sango off. She stood back panting. "I want to have your baby!" With that said she removed her top.  
  
Miroku's eyes doubled, then bulged, his heart stopped and he sunk to the ground in a heap. Shippou ran over looking over the priest. Sango followed while placing her clothing back on her body. Shippou kicked the man in the side. "You killed him!"  
  
"No he's just unconscious." Sango dropped to the ground in relief and picked up Miroku's hand and began to stroke it affectionately. Shippou stood on the other side of the fainted priest. He eyed Sango curiously. "So those are boobs.." WHACK!  
  
An old woman came into the clearing. (an: and wouldn't ya know, she's te same one that walked by Kagome and Inuyasha.go figure.)  
  
"Yetka!" Exclaimed the still swooning Sango.  
  
The woman stood back..observed the scene before her and cussed. "Kids these days, you tink dey would learn dat de passion frewt is and afrowdesiac. You should nevea eat pink frewt!"  
  
"Told ya." Miroku, still seemingly unconscious mumbled.  
  
"Come,come childwen, lets get, wussy boy ta da village."  
  
Sango hoisted Miroku to her shoulder and they were off.  
  
"Hey miss Yetka lady, why wasn't I affected?" Yetka looked down at Shippou and smiled, but did not answer.  
  
A voice came from far off. "Yetka Yetka!" A young female fox demon came running up. (an; oh come on, I think it's damn time Shippou gets a girl.) "Hey!" She said excitedly to everyone. She winked at Shippou. His jaw dropped. "Hi, I'm Cassie, what's your name?"  
  
It was a while later at the village, Miroku regained consciousness.  
  
"Where is she?" He asked fearfully. Yetka laughed, and then turned gravely serious. "We had to tie her up. She was twying to ahem* make a baby." Miroku eyes grew wide. Then he looked down at his body; fully clothed that's a good sign.  
  
"Why den't you go on a take a bath, and calm yourself down."  
  
Miroku sunk into the hot water of the bath, well more like a barrel, but who's complaining.  
  
He closed his eyes and sighed. The water rippled around, him sending off warning signals in his head. "Hello you big manly priest you."  
  
***oh shit! ****  
  
Sango moved towards him, a knowing little smirk gracing her lips. She pressed her naked body up to his equally naked one. The only way to describe Miroku's expression was pain filled. He turned his head to the side trying his best to get out of the tub, while squinting his eyes shut. She suddenly stopped. Miroku peeked out of one of his eyes, still expecting quite possibly the best and worst thing in the world to happen to him.  
  
"YOU PERVERT!" WHACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sango left the tub, and in her wake a bruised and strangely happy Miroku. (an: personally I've always felt Miroku was a bit of a masochist.)  
  
"So it only last a few hours, interesting."  
  
It was only later after much explanation that Sango, lowered her weapon, and wasn't threatening slowly rip out his inner organs and make him eat them. (an: you go girl!)  
  
They picked up the necklace from Yetka, who only wanted a turn at playing with Sango's boomerang in payment for it. Then headed out of the village.  
  
"So..."  
  
"So."  
  
"Where's Shippou?" The little fox demon in question stumbled out from one of the huts. "Wow..." Was all he said. His clothes were in disarray, and he walked like a drunk. Cassie stepped out behind him. "See ya round Shippou." She winked and headed back inside.  
  
Miroku and Sango just continued to stare.  
  
*********************************************************** Alrighty, we have a necklace people..operation re subdue is a go! .I have no comment on the rest of it, except that I was listening to Rock DJ, while writing this. 


	10. Revelation

Oh the Irony Chapter 10 Revelation  
  
******************************************** Kagome walked on ahead with an anxious hanyou at her back. She still didn't know what the bite mark meant. Friendship.pheh, yeah sure...real friendly.  
  
Inuyasha sniffed the air and found something distasteful. "Kouga!" That was Kagome as she greeted the wolf like an old friend. A growl rippled past his lips, if dares to so much as touch her.... ****He's hugging her! That son of a bitch! **** (an: literarily.get it?! Bitch: female dog.anyone?)  
  
Kouga seemed to pick up on the glowering hanyou and turned to look at him. Little flecks of red danced in his eyes.doing the tango actually.  
  
"Back off Kouga.."  
  
Kouga just smiled and in a somewhat arrogant voice. "And why should I do that?"  
  
It was Inuyasha's turn to smile. He pointed to his neck. At first Kouga didn't understand, but then he seemed to catch on. "Excuse me Kagome." Kouga brushed her hair aside baring her neck. He sighed. "Well then it was a pleasure seeing you again Kagome, I must be off." He took her hand and shook it.  
  
Kagome raised her eyebrows to Inuyasha, as a blur, aka Kouga ran by.  
  
"Inuyasha what was that all about? What is up with this mark, cause you know it's really starting to weird me out. Sesshomaru, said something like, just like our father.." Kagome stalked closer to a worried Inuyasha. "So why don't you tell me what this really is about seeing as how YOU FRIGGIN BIT ME IN THE FIRST PLACE!"  
  
"Well.uh"  
  
"I'm waiting."  
  
"It's sort of like this."  
  
"Hurry it up, we don't have all day."  
  
"It all started at the dawn of time..."  
  
"This millennium Inuyasha!"  
  
"IT'S A CLAIMING MARK, IT'S HOW YOUKAI SHOW POSSESSION OF THEIR MATES!"  
  
dead silence.crickets in the distance..Inuyasha's life expectancy shortening.  
  
Inuyasha waited for her response, his fidgety hands preparing to cover his ears, once the screaming started.  
  
*Is her eye twitching?*  
  
silence  
  
*Are humans suppose to get that red?*  
  
more silence  
  
*Doesn't she need to breath?"  
  
Really creepy eerie silence  
  
*I'm dead*  
  
Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! !!!!!  
  
She ran at him like a line backer playing for the championship, with two kids at home and his entire career riding on the game.  
  
Inuyasha saw his death in the eyes of a woman, half his weight, with no combat skills what so ever, charging at him like a hundred angry youkai.  
  
He did what any man in his position would do. He ran like the devil, deep into the forest, amazingly the enraged miko, was heard not too far behind. Well you know what they say about adrenaline.  
  
It was only about half a mile into his fleeing when he realized on key fact, well actually a few.  
  
She was human, unarmed, he was no longer wearing the prayer beads, and there were ways to silence her incredibly large mouth. Inuyasha stopped and turned.  
  
She was in hot pursuit; he smiled and dropped down from the tree. She shrieked in response but he gave her no breathing room.  
  
He slammed her into the trunk of an old tree. She gasped for breath, "Well I was wandering when you were going to get a clue!"  
  
He growled fiercely deep in his throat. She was going to speak again, but he stopped that. He kissed her forcefully, grinding his body into her softer one. She responded eagerly to his probing, letting his tongue into her mouth. Stroking it with her own..  
  
************************************** Okay.does anyone want me to continue where this leaves off because I'm not completely sure..so please review. Major Thankies to everyone that already reviewed! 


	11. What a Girl Wants

Oh the Irony Chapter 11 What a Girl Wants *********************************************  
  
Her body was pressed tightly to the tree, as Inuyasha's hot mouth covered her own. His clawed hands moved down her thighs, grabbing her legs he hoisted her up. Kagome wrapped her legs tightly around his waist, unconsciously moving her hips in a rocking motion. She gasped as she felt his erection push against her, breaking the kiss.  
  
"Inu.." He silenced her with a quick kiss. His breathing was uneven and his eyes glowed with a lustful fire. "Answer me one question Kagome, do you want this?"  
  
A heat burned at her core, and her nipples jutted out against her shirt. She didn't answer, him instead reached a curious hand down to the bulge of his pants. She touched him tentively at first, but noticing the shuttering breath he took, the wicked girl inside her decided to take over. She grasped him firmly stroking his hard length, all the while riding his hips.  
  
"That damn well better have been a yes." Inuyasha rasped out. Dogs are not known for their self control, they don't even take no for an answer from legs. (an: furry boots aren't safe either!) Of course it was unlikely to see Sessy humping a humans leg anytime soon, but dog demons have there weaknesses as well. Apparently pretty miko's was Inuyasha's  
  
Kagome kissed him hard, letting him know she wanted this. There would be no question of that. Inuyasha backed away from the tree, Kagome still on hips. He planned on laying her down on the grass unfortunately; Mother Nature was against them once more. A root, was sticking up through the ground, and of course he tripped. He flew backwards taking Kagome with him. He landed with a thud, but Kagome took no notice instead kissed him soundly delving her hot little tongue into his mouth, eliciting a growl from his throat.  
  
She stripped him of his fire rat coat. While kissing his neck she managed to loosen his pants. She knew what she wanted, and she had a vague idea how to get it. Girls at school really did talk a lot about this sort of thing.  
  
Instincts to dominate took over, and Inuyasha twisted, putting the woman beneath him. He mad quick work of her clothing, barely containing the urge to rip it apart. He had already destroyed one of her outfits this week; it wasn't a time to push his luck. He just wasn't very lucky.  
  
Once all the clothing was neatly (an: cough cough*) set aside, the hanyou stood back and marveled at his mate. Her hooded eyes, bruised lips full from their kissing, the delicate neck that held the bite mark. Her heaving chest, and thin stomach, leading down to a triangle of black curls, long legs thin and shapely, she was beautiful. He closed to his eyes and inhaled the sent of her arousal. It was sending him over the edge. An edge he wanted to jump off from and free fall inot oblivion. He placed him body over hers. His long silver hair flowed over his shoulder tickling her sensitive nipples. He kissed her, entering her at the same time. She squealed in pain, but his mouth muffled the noise. Inuaysha went slowly, doing his best to let her enjoy her first time, waiting for the pain to subside. It wasn't long before the forest was filled with the unmistakable sounds of two creatures rutting.  
  
They lay panting in the aftermath of their lovemaking. Kagome looked at Inuyasha, for the first time a woman. It felt strange; doing that with him, letting him put that.there. She hadn't known what to do, but in sense she did. It felt strange.  
  
It had hurt like hell too. Inuyasha turned to her, and kissed her gently on the lips. Well maybe it was strange in a good way. A really good way. ************************************************************************ Okay no plot development, ..but..owell . Pleaaaaaaaaaaaseeeeeeeee review. The next chapter Is back to Miroku and Sango, so any suggestions are welcome.  
  
Big thanx to everyone who has reviewed! I love the comments and suggestions you guys come up with. 


	12. Revenge of the Pink Fruit

Oh the Irony Chapter 12 Revenge of the Fruit  
  
An: yeah, I'm going to be shot down and beaten for this but, I'm not going to start with the Kagome Inuyasha stuff, back to those crazy luv fools Sango and Miroku. Shippou.well..he's along for the ride, and was enjoying every minute of it. Btw, Sango is no longer under the effect of the pink plant. So no mini Miroku's are in the making. Well.maybe......  
  
And for everyone not understanding the irony in this story..it was at the beginning when Kagome meant to grab his clothing to stop herself from falling down the well, but instead pulled off the prayer beads, therefore allowing him total freedom and she got dragged back through the well..even though her original intentions were to sit him not take off the beads...oh hell..JUST TRUST ME THERE IS IRONY!..sry thinking all the way back to that hurt my head.  
  
*********************************************** "Shippou just what do you think you were doing."  
  
He looked up at Sango and winked. In a suggestive voice said. "How you doing?" (an: Joey Tribiani from friends!gotta luv him)  
  
Sango just stared wide eyed as Shippou strutted away.  
  
"Well, someones in a good mood." She said to Miroku who was bringing up the rear mumbling. "Yeah well I would be too if I just got."  
  
"MIROKU!"  
  
"Oh don't you Miroku me, woman, this side of an hour ago you had your tongue shoved down my throat, saying you wanted to make a baby!"  
  
"Well ."  
  
"Oh I was a perfect gentleman the entire time, after all this time. The one thing I've asked of you."  
  
"Stop."  
  
"And you just shove it in my face!"  
  
SMACK!  
  
Miroku looked down at his hands, they were nowhere in the vicinity of her ass.  
  
"Why did you do that?" He asked in an all too calm voice.  
  
Sango's face screwed up in anger..."I DON'T KNOW!"  
  
She ran ahead, leaving a very annoyed priest in her wake.  
  
"That's it we spend way too much time around Inuyasha." Miroku continued walking, at a quicker pace to catch up to Sango and Shippou. The three companions stopped for lunch in a small clearing. Sango meticulously searched through the plants before cooking them. Anything remotely pink was buried with a rock placed firmly over it. (an: you now incase it's one of those pod people things. I can never look at eggplant the same again.)  
After eating a meal, consisting of very few plants (an: most of them were buried) the three travelers sat quietly for a moment. Shippou was flexing a bicep and seemed to be seeing how much muscle he had in general. Miroku was muttering to himself about evil pink plants and women trying to kill him. Sango was eying the burial ground of the evil pink plants, with fear.  
  
"So, how exactly are we going to get this on Inuyasha?" Sango asked holding up the new necklace. Miroku looked to her, then to Shippou, maybe the little demon had an idea, but no he was now flexing both biceps.  
  
"Well I'm going to bath, I will be back shortly." Sango nodded to him, and continued to eye the pink plant burial ground.  
  
It was minutes after Miroku left, that Sango saw one of the rocks move. She started getting to her feet as the second rock moved. Little pink plants began erupting from the soil, and marching at her like an arm..of of .little pink plants!  
  
Sango screamed and tore of through the woods, the little plants following closely. She could see the pond where Miroku was bathing just ahead, but she stumbled on a root, and came crashing to the ground. The evil little plants pounced on her, and Sango struggled to get back up. The plants clung onto to her, and she tried furiously to bat them away. Miroku came into view, standing in water halfway up his chest. She ran straight for him.  
  
"Get them off, get them off!"  
  
She began furiously pulling at her clothing. "Miroku!"  
  
The priest took one look at the woman taking off her clothes and assumed the obvious. "YOU ATE MORE PINK FRUIT!"  
  
Now completely naked Sango rushed into the water, hoping to rid herself of the evil plants. "No I didn't their attacking me!" Miroku headed in the opposite direction. This woman was nuts!  
  
"You ate the fruit!" He accused again. "No I swear I didn't! Please Miroku help me!"  
  
Not being to ignore the plea Miroku swam back towards the frantic woman. By the time he had reached her Sango was pretty sure she had gotten all the plants off, but they were now circling around her like sharks. (an: insert jaws theme here.)  
  
Sango lunged for Miroku, grabbing onto his shoulders and rapping her legs around his waist.  
  
"I KNEW IT! YOU DID EAT THE FRUIT!"  
  
"No I didn't! Cant you see them?"  
  
A sound came from the shore behind them. "Oh!!!!!!!!"  
  
Miroku turned, thus turning the attached Sango with him. They simultaneously screamed. "Oh calm ye selves childewn. It is only I Yetka." (an: in a bathing suit.) With still a look of terror on Sango and Miroku's face, Yetka kept talking. "I'm sowy, I tink I may haf intewupted sumting.but I had to wern ye, the frewt sumtimes causes hallucinations.." (an: no sadly enough the evil pink fruit army was not real.I'm broken up about it too.)  
  
Yetka left, but not before giving Sango and Miroku a rather .interesting view. That bathing suit wasn't made for a woman that size.certain areas of her body that were meant to be covered, and under any said circumstance should be covered, were in plain view of those poor unfortunate souls Sango and Miroku.  
  
They looked at each other. "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW"  
  
Then they looked at on another again..They were naked, in each others arms, with certain areas of anatomy touching that had Sango not been the one to jump into Miroku's arm would have had to have removed said pieces of his anatomy.  
  
"Well."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Miroku what's.that..."  
  
"Um.well that is.you know..."  
  
"Oh." "Yeah..."  
  
"I'm letting go now." "Me too."  
  
They pulled apart, blushing furiously. "Well one of us should get out." Miroku stated lamely.  
  
Sango bit her lip, glancing at him. "Maybe we could stay in here a while."  
  
Miroku stared at her. "So you did eat the fruit." Sango grabbed him and kissed him thoroughly. "And even if I did, do you care?" She asked in a smug voice.  
  
With a dopey look on his face Miroku hoisted Sango back onto his hips. "Not at all."  
  
************************************************** ...um...yeah..um..I promise Shippou won't act like this permently, he's on an ego trip at the moment, not expected to be back till the next chapter or two. Sango and Miroku.well.I don't know what inspired me there.well maybe inspire isn't the right werd, I'm sick right now and I sort of hallucinated and army off Scottish men marching towards me..it probably din't help that I had had one two many helpings of Nyquil, ...and was watching Braveheart..so the marching pink plants were .don't try to think about them too much, I know I'm not. Mel Gibson is cuter.please review! 


	13. Kouga, Puppies, and Lies, Oh My!

Oh the Irony Chapter 13 Kouga, Puppies, and Lies, Oh My!  
  
A thousand times sry for not updating sooner...but you see there were these late night play rehearsals.but that's all over now.so.  
  
The story is winding down, probably only 3, maybe 4 chapters left. Any ideas for just plain silly things, like the pink fruit would be great, I haven't written in so long do somewhat to writers block, and an utter fear of disappointing ..well u guys.  
  
New favorite quote! "I'm not acting dumb, I AM DUMB!" (From the play "Absolutely Murder") Gooooooo team Lane!  
  
***********************************************************************  
  
Their clothes were back in place, but the pair stood in an uncomfortable silence. Inuyasha, scuffed the ground with his foot, as Kagome stood in shock of the events of the past..half hour.  
  
Even more shocking was..she sort of well initiated a lot of it. Hell she was an animal. (You go girl!)  
  
The though left her uncomfortable for a moment, but with a shrug she brushed it off. (an: hey she's from the 20th century, she's a teenager, and it's expected.)  
  
The silence hung like an oversized macrel, bloated from spray cheese over the two.  
  
"So.."  
  
"Uh huh..."  
  
"Well..did you like ...It?'  
  
"Um.it kind of hurt."  
  
"Oh"  
  
"But I think I liked it too"  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah"  
  
"Good"  
  
(Awkward silence)  
  
.. ..... ............  
  
Kagome looked up suddenly, a little devil dancing in her bright eyes.  
  
"Want to do it again?"  
  
Two bodies collided. (an : and all you hentai people out there are getting the popcorn ready, for sum good entertainment.)  
  
"Hello there." The two lovebirds stopped mid grope. (an: guess the pop secret will just have to stay in the bag.)  
  
"Hi Kouga." Kagome offered, very much aware of the tomato her face decided to take after.  
  
Inuyasha meanwhile had turned half way, and was trying to .ahem* adjust himself.  
  
Kouga seemed to find the entire situation laughable, he knew quiet well what had been transpiring...or about to anyway..or juat had happened, depending on how you look at it. (an: the song "let's talk about sex" just popped into my head.)  
  
"Well, I just thought that I would warn you, the lord of the Western lands is very close, and he doesn't seem happy about his half brother being within the vicinity."  
  
Kagome took in this information, but was not highly concerned, Sango and Miroku would be back soon, and then they could get out of here.  
  
"Thank you Kouga." Kagome said politely. Kouga stepped closer and took her hand. "If you ever have any trouble with the hanyou."  
  
"Ahem." The said hanyou, was standing with one eyebrow raised was glowering at his mate and rival.  
  
"Ah yes, well I have to return home, my cousin is expecting to have her puppies, and speaking of which, good luck with your litter."  
  
Kagome began to question the statement, when Inuyasha clamped his hand over her mouth. "Yes thank you." Inuyasha glared pointedly, conveying the situation. Kouga seemed to get the message, information witch only proved to be more entertainment for him. He smiled just thinking of what she was going to do to him when she found out. Kouga left in whirlwind, and somewhere in the distance amused laughter could be heard.  
  
"Inuyasha what was that about?" Inuyasha shifted uncomfortably. Looking to the heavens for some guidance, but all he saw was seven Spanish angles playing a funeral anthem. (an: damn you Willy Nelson!)  
  
"What did he mean...about...the puppies?"  
  
Inuyasha had faced many an enemy, but telling his mate that he got her pregnant, was well..was like watching the Barney show, terrifying, and life altering.  
  
"Am I.preg" She stopped when Inuyasha gave a slight nod of the head.  
  
Her eyes dilated, she appeared faint, and Inuyasha stepped forward to help support her. Unfortunately she didn't faint, which would have been much better for his health.  
  
Instead he was faced with the finger. Not the thumb, not the pinky, not the one near the pinky which I have forgotten the name to, not the middle, but the pointer. The dreaded finger that you have aimed at you when you know you did something wrong and now were in (Big trouble Mister! "Yawl remember Michelle from Full House right?")  
  
"Kagome maybe we should talk about this."  
  
Her eyes hardened.  
  
He took a step forward as if to implore her.  
  
Her mouth twitched.  
  
He withdrew.  
  
The pointer finger began to waver. Inuyasha was jumping with inner joy, she was softening.  
  
Oh wait she wasn't wavering she was shaking in anger. Shit.  
  
"Run." The voice behind the words seemed inhuman, as if controlled by some unforeseen entity. The though that maybe pregnancy hormones were kicking in already occurred to Inuyasha, but he had enough common sense not to say so aloud.  
  
Kagome stalked towards him. "You knew I would get pregnant didn't you." The finger out again. Inuyasha looked around, hoping for something anything that could save him from this woman's wrath. (an: That's right you man...squirm, squirm I say muahahahahahahahah)  
  
She poked him in the jest. "You knew didn't you?" She poked him again. "Didn't you!"  
  
"YES! Alright yes, I knew, but..." She struck him. "How dare you, first off, you bite me, then you seduce, then you get me pregnant! I can't wait till the new necklace gets here. I just can't believe you Inuyasha.."  
  
"Hey Kagome, You were more then willing...Necklace.what necklace?"  
  
It was Kagome's turn to shrink back. "Oops"  
  
"I can't believe you, this is a conspiracy! (an: Mulder pops up again. "Trust No one." Scully is with him "Mulder there has to be a scientific explanati.(Fox William Mulder has finally done the one thing all us X-file fans have been waiting to see, He kissed Dan Katherine Scully.while she was trying to disprove him. Yay!) Okay back to the show)  
  
"You were really planning on binding me again weren't you. You bitch!"  
Inuyasha backed away until he was in the tree line, the distrust, and betrayal in his eyes was enough to bring Kagome to tears.  
  
He leapt up and took off. Kagome sniffled; this wasn't how it was suppose to go.  
  
A rustling came from the bushes behind her. Kagome turned slowly in fear that it was Sesshomaru.  
  
An old woman emerged instead. "It is I Yetka!" She proclaimed.  
  
Kagome sniffled again. The old woman came over to her, and put a comforting arm around Kagome. Well it would have been comforting if the old woman's armpit hair wasn't a good four inches long.  
  
Yetka asked Kagome what was wrong, and Kagome feeling truly depressed unleashed the story upon the old woman.  
  
At the end of the tail Yetka laughed. "Oh dewy he be back."  
  
"How can you be sure?"  
  
"Well hun dits like dis.men are like hard wood floors, lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for the rest f your life."  
  
**************************************************************************** * Any ideas would much appreciated, please review! 


	14. Lewd Acts of Insanity

Lewd Acts of Insanity Chapter 14  
  
If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.  
Paul Beatty  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Sango and Miroku came out of the water and dressed, blushing like crazy. "Well...um...we should find Shippou." Sango stated lamely, trying not to make eye contact with the silent monk.  
  
The two walked towards the sight they had left the arrogant little kitsune to flex.his oo so large muscles.  
  
When they arrived at the site they were shocked to see Cassie the little fox demon with Shippou. (Not with, with Shippou.just within the vicinity of him. Not touching just nearby, without physical contact..no appendages were making skin to skin contact, she was a separate entity of him not within his own personal sphere.)  
  
"Your pants are on backwards."  
  
*****  
  
Kagome sat on the ground, shivering with fear. Tears threatened to drop from her glistening eyes. She could see the horror unfolding before her, but tried desperately to keep her eyes down, hoping not to be noticed.  
  
Ruffling could be heard as the beast moved closer, moving in a jerky, hopping motion. Its stench, something that smelt like moldy death, wafted its way into Kagome's small nose.  
  
"Yetka.are u done dressing yet?" (AN: I am afraid)  
  
*****  
  
*How dare that bitch. Trying to subdue my ass, how the fuck dare she. What the fuck is it with her, trying to put me on a damned leash? I'll show her who the fucking man around here is. Fucking that's right, I'm going to be fucking her till the cows come home; everyone knows make up sex is the best! Not that we're going to make up or anything.* (an: and people try to tell me men don't have pms!)  
  
Inuyasha flew through the trees, his anger mounting, taking over any of the hurt he felt at her betrayal.  
  
"How could she do that?" He closed his eyes, as he ran. Suddenly there was no branch beneath him. (an: long run, short branch.bad karma Inuyasha!)  
  
The sky opened up as he saw the light. The beautiful light..from those damn seven Spanish angles."Fuck you Willie Nelson!" Was all Inuyasha said before his body got intimate with the ground.  
  
But He landed on his head..so everything was okay.  
  
Inuyasha lay on the ground watching the little Fluffys' in tutus dance about his head, waving there little glittery wands.  
  
While lying there contemplating the purpose of life and the expanse of the universe (an: are u buying this?) Inuyasha thought back to that mourning.laying there basking in the afterglow, then the second time was even better. (an: 5.2 seconds! It is tru! Men think about sex a lot for not getting it that often.)  
  
Two shadows approached. "Aw come on, how about a sing along!" An obnoxiously exuberant voice entreated. (an: 3 big words! In one sentence!)  
  
"No ogres do not sing, donkey!" A heavy accented voice responded. Through a concussion induced haze, Inuyasha swatted the tutu wearing Fluffys' away and tried to look at the two strange creatures approaching.  
  
One was small and had four legs; it appeared to be a very ugly horse.  
  
The other one was big and looked like something Shippou pulled out of his nose once.  
  
**** "Your pants are on backwards." Said Shippou to a stupefied Sango.  
  
Sango still in shock of seeing the little girl fox demon didn't quite register what Shippou said.  
  
"My wha." She looked down, and sure enough, her pants were on backwards.  
  
Her face turned a stunning shade of red in matter of seconds. She dashed off into the woods to fix her clothing.  
  
Miroku watched her go, a sardonic smile gracing his lips.  
  
Shippou moved closer to Miroku and flashed him a cocky, shit eating grin. "So I guess your going to get that baby after all."  
  
Miroku beamed. "Yeah I guess she caved to my charm, I mean she was all over me." (an: sadly enough this is true.pink fruit anyone?)  
  
Cassie smiled from her position near Shippou, Her cloak fanning out around her as she sat on the ground.  
  
"Yeah, that sure was funny, her attacking you like that. But I guess no woman could resist us manly men" With that said he flexed. Cassie's smile widened.  
  
"Yeah I mean, who was she fooling, I know she liked it when I touched, she'd get all hot and bothered about. She just didn't want the others to know." There was a tap on his shoulder.  
  
Miroku's face plummeted; there were bruises and no sex in his immediate future. He turned slowly to be met with the angry eyes of a woman scorned. She was going to kill him for talking about her in such a ..guy way. (an: Boys are dumb!)  
  
She tackled him, bringing the taller man down easily. Cassie jumped to her feet her eyes sparkling with excitement. Shippou stepped up beside her watching the action.  
  
Sango landed on top of Miroku and began to pummel him. Suddenly Cassie hooted with glee. "That's right smack that bitch up!" She shouted to Sango. She tore off her cloak to reveal a leather outfit, complete with studs and a whip that hung from her waist.  
  
Sango stopped staring wide eyed at the perplexing sight. "Come on girl, we'll show these boys a little something about pleasure and pain!" With that said she cracked her whip.  
  
Then Cassie turned her attention to a pale Shippou. "Come on my hairy little animal I'm going to ride you like a pony." She tried moving closer to him but he backed away eying her like the black plague. He looked to Sango and Miroku for help. "I don't want to be a pony." He hissed through clenched teeth.  
  
Miroku looked like he wanted to break down laughing, but didn't as Sango's knee found its way to a slightly perky appendage.  
  
Cassie leaped at Shippou and he leaped away landing on top of Miroku's head. Shippou tore off into the night, Cassie following screaming obscenities and threats of bits, chains and candle wax. (an: kids these days)  
  
Sango let Miroku up and they started after the kitsune's in hopes of saving Shippou from the leather queen's wrath. ****  
  
Yetka had finished dressing, much to Kagome's relief. Kagome still sat quietly contemplating her life, her pregnancy, the look in Inuyasha's. Had she really betrayed him.Nah.  
  
He was the one who wasn't going to let her go home; he was the one who bit her! He was the one who got her pregnant! So no, she wasn't betraying him, she was leveling the playing field. He could pick her up and carry her around like a sack of potatoes, easily overpowering her. And if he wasn't going to respect her and her wishes to go home.when she pleased.then he was just going to have to deal with the consequences. The gloves were off. He was going to get that fucking necklace around, his scrawny little neck if she had to beat him senseless, drug him or seduce him to do it! (an: hmmm I wander which one of these he wouldn't mind?)  
  
Alls fair in love and war..and this was war!  
  
Kagome contented herself to imaging how many times she could say sit in a minute, and how many times she could hear Inuyasha back crack before she felt the slightest bit of guilt for it.  
  
She didn't notice Yetka looking disdaining at her thinning hair. (an: on her head anyway, her armpits another story.)  
  
Yetka started to glance at Kagome's hair in an envious way. "I used to have hair like yours." She said in strange tone. Kagome smiled politely then continued in her thoughts of Inu torture.  
  
"I used to have hair, just like that." She reached out a thin ragged finger to Kagome's raven hair. Kagome raised her eyebrows and watched the decent of the nasty finger.  
  
It moved closer, and she moved farther, until finally she was practically bending over backwards. Panicked seeped into Kagome's brain, run run it said. So she did, she did a quick roll to the side then crawled though Yetka's legs to escape. An act she regretted. Trying to get through that woman's leg hair was like trying to get through a pricker bush!  
  
"You stole my hair!" The old woman howled. She whirled on Kagome, her dull eyes sparking with some strange light. "Your nuts!' Kagome yelled, dashing towards a footpath in the woods.  
  
"Give me back my hair you wretched harlot!"  
  
"Buy a vowel you old coot! I didn't steal your hair!" Kagome yelled over her shoulder. The woman was gaining on her. Wasn't she supposed to have arthritis or something by her age? "Hair stealer!"  
  
"Crazy gorilla legged woman!" Kagome shot back, wishing she had her bow and arrows.  
  
"Infidel!" The old woman shrieked, moving exceptionally fast in her traditional clothing, her hairy legs whipping up from under her robe.  
  
"Shaving impaired!" (an: that's right we're politically correct in this fic)  
  
***** Inuyasha picked himself up off the ground to look at the two creatures standing before him.  
  
The ugly horse moved foreword. "Awwww Shrek check it, he's so cute, yes you are aren't you a little cute puppy, why look at those ears." Inuyasha stared incredulously as the nasty thing began to coo at him as if he were still a pup. The big ogre stepped forward. "Are you a demon?" Inuyasha crossed his arms over his chest in defiant fashion. "What if I am?" Shrek smiled, he'd take that as a yes. "Well you see.there's this prince Farquod, who won't move all the stupid little fairy tale beasts out of my swamp until I bring him a dog demon as a pet. So."  
  
Inuyasha started laughing obnoxiously... "Me.a pet, that's going to be the fucking funniest shit I've heard all year!" (an: and yet I can picture it in my mind.taking him on walks giving him a bath.him sleeping in my bed.erm...I mean the foot of my bed!)  
  
The green guy ran at him, surprisingly fast.  
  
Inuyasha was confident he could defeat the green blob easily. "Hey princess, look I really don't want to have to hurt ya." The ogre broke down sobbing.  
  
"Ermm."  
  
Inuyasha looked toward the donkey. "What did I do?"  
  
The donkey shook his head. "You said princess." With that Shrek started crying harder, thick trails of gooey mucus trailing from his nose. "He fell in love with a princess and she loved him back.that is until she started seeing other people. Poor Shrek just hasn't been the same."  
  
"She left me for a puppet!" Shrek bellowed. The donkey moved over to comfort him and Inuyasha backed away.  
  
Inuyasha slunk quietly away until he was out of their hearing range.  
  
Donkey tried to comfort Shrek, but he just wasn't hearing it. "Why oh why would she leave me for that man whore Pinocchio anyway?"  
  
"He has more wood?" Donkey chuckled at his own joke. Shrek however did not find it so amusing.  
  
Shrek stood, towering over the little donkey. He reached and grabbed the small animal by the neck. "Good bye Donkey."  
  
"Shrek no! Please, let's be reasonable here, please please NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"  
  
Inuyasha stopped for a moment hearing the screams. Then he shrugged it off, it really wasn't his business.  
  
"I'm going to get you stupid demon.Ogres are like onions!" (an: you know when you eat an onion it makes that juicy crunch sound, well I always fear onions are actually bugs juicy and crunchy...not a good combo.so I never eat them)  
  
Inuyasha took off running.  
  
****** Kagome tripped over something in her path. "Shippou?" The small kitsune look up at her. "Kagome?"  
  
He launched himself into her arms and she started running again.  
  
"Who are you running from?" he asked his surrogate mother.  
  
A winded Kagome replied. "A crazy old lady with hairy legs."  
  
Taking in a deep breath she asked. "Who are you running from?" "A girl who wants to ride me like a pony, and she wears a lot of leather." Kagome blanched, which in turn caused her to trip. But instead of hitting the ground she felt strong arms, steady her.  
  
"Inu...Inuyasha?"  
  
The sounds of Yetka could be heard behind them, the ogre in front and Cassie to the side. Sango and Miroku jumped out of the bushes sidestepping the leather clad Cassie.  
  
The five friends wordlessly formed a circle readying themselves for battle. (an: earth,fire,wind,water ,heart.with our powers combined we summon captain planet!) "Okay why are Yetka and the green goblin chasing you guys?" Miroku asked, referring to Inuyasha and Kagome.  
  
"The green ones after me, because ...I don't know he said something about a prince Fartwad wanting a pet." Inuyasha left his explanation at that.  
  
"Yetka's trying to kill me because she thinks I stole her hair, like she doesn't have enough.Have u seen her legs!" Sango looked at her strangely for that one. Then Kagome asked, "What's with the Madonna wannabe?"  
  
Shippou answered. "She's crazy and she wants to ride me like a pony! A pony I tell you!"  
  
Miroku stifled a giggle.  
  
"Well you did it with her kid." Miroku reprimanded the young kitsune, still trying not to giggle like a school girl.  
  
"Did it?" Kagome said aghast. "Shippou, you're just a kid! How could you be having sex?!"  
  
"Sex!" Cried an indignant Shippou. "I just kissed her!"  
  
Miroku's face plummeted.  
  
"Ahem." Cassie waved her hand "remember us?"  
  
"Yes, remember us?" Said a very evil looking ogre. Yetka was even scarier though. She was so agitated that her chest was beginning to heave and that was something no one wanted to see.  
  
Shrek got ready to charge them. Cassie flicking her whip, Yetka.heaving.  
  
Cassie charged for Shippou. Kagome Intervened. "Back off you little slut." Cassie tried to hit Kagome with the whip, but Kagome ripped it from the girl's hands.then held it above her heading a taunting manor.  
  
The ogre stepping in to attack, Sango ran foreword whit her boomerang poised. "Achew!!!!!!" Shrek sneezed out a good one..green sludge hurled towards Sango. The world seemed to slow, as Mioku shouted out. "NOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!! He ran one foot flying front of the other, his clothes rustling in the breeze. With tremendous strength he leapt into the path of the vile green substance, saving Sango. (an: oh come on, enough with the dramatics already.he saved her from a boogey!)  
  
Shippou and Kagome beamed over their triumph over the S&M tiny tot. Sango thanked Miroku for saving her. Shrek sat off a few feet complaining about something he ate.  
  
Inuyasha.Inuyasha was..  
  
Kagome looked to the other three companions. "Where's Inuyasha?'  
  
Mumbling was heard from behind them. As they turned they were greeted with a sight that shall forever haunt hem. Inuyasha's head trapped within the sagging, drooping, gigantic cleavage.of Yetka! "We got to help him!" Screamed Kagome. "Who knows how long he's been in there!"  
  
"Quick pull him out!"  
  
"Yuck she has warts!"  
  
"Is he still breathing?"  
  
"There is going to be irreversible physiological damage from this"  
  
"Oh the humanity!"  
  
With one final tug they dislodge Inuyasha's head, from ..from...well u know.  
  
His eyes were glazed over and he was mumbling incoherently.  
  
"Oh Inuyasha say something please." Kagome pleaded holding him close.  
  
Trembling Inuyasha seemed to regain some of himself. Whispering in a childlike voice he said. "I've seen the gates of hell. They are in there!" He pointed towards an indignant Yetka.  
  
The five friends stood together, and prepared for round two.  
  
Cassie had pulled out some "toys" that actually looked pretty threatening. Yetka was showing her cleavage to a cowering hanyou and the ogre.was having abdominal pains.  
  
"I got a crap on board that could choke a donkey!" Shrek announced.  
  
"This is a trio from hell." Miroku whispered to his comrades. Inuyasha watched Shrek carefully, and then recoiled in disgust as a bulge appeared in the back of his pants.  
  
The other voiced their disgust. As Inuyasha said "Well Miroku this trio is soon to be a quartet." The bulge in the back Shrek pants was the shape of a Donkey's head, and talking.  
  
Muffled complaints could be heard from the ogre's pants. "Shrek that vile, just vile I tell you."  
  
"Ohhhhhh.uh ehhhh" Shreck moaned as the rest of the Donkey made it way out.  
  
Everyone's wide eyes were on the unusual sight, mouths agape. (an: the song "Pour unfortunate souls" just came to mind..u know from the movie "The Little Mermaid")  
  
A rather foul smelling donkey emerged from Shreks pants.  
  
"Ugh.I feel like a shat a back street boy!" Shrek declared, then pulled out a cigarette and sat panting.  
  
Sango turned to Kagome. "What is a Back street boy?"  
  
Sighing Kagome turned to Sango. "A back street boy is a small man trapped in a teenage body, with bad hair, and they come from the bowels of an underground laboratory where they are cloned in America, then set out upon the innocent public."  
  
(The five back street boys pop up. "Back streets back alright!)  
  
(Scully and Mulder show up.)  
  
(Bang* Bang* Bang* Bang* Bang* "Mulder were they alien?" Scully asked Mulder, both of them still standing in defensive positions, each holding a smoking gun. "No Scully, they weren't alien. But we had to do it, we had to save humanity." Scully laid her hand on Mulders arm. "I understand, they were evil incarnate, they had to be destroyed.")  
  
"I never wanted to do any of this I just.I just want my princess back." Murmured Shrek.  
  
Yetka looked up at him. "Love troubles you say, well I have just the cure for that. There is this pink fruit that can help you out. Come walk with me" The two started off into the woods.  
  
"Hold up Shrek I'm coming too." The donkey bounded after them. "Hey are you a pony?"  
  
Cassie asked. Donkey stopped. "Erm, no I'm a donkey." Cassie stepped closer to him, running a hand through his course fur. "Close enough." She said. The she slapped his ass.  
  
"Shrek!" Donkey cried charging after his companion, the one that had eaten digested and excreted him.  
  
"Come back I want to spank you some more!" Cried Cassie.  
  
"Okay." Miroku looked around.  
  
"So."  
  
"They just left?"  
  
"I guess."  
  
"Cool."  
  
All together the five of them turned around. "Kikyio." Inuyasha whispered. She stood before them, arrow aimed to fire.  
  
"Die Inuyasha!"  
  
************************************************************************  
  
well that was the longest chapter I've ever written in my entire life!  
  
Thankyou so much for everyone who reviewed! I'm sorry I didn't update sooner, but I've had mono.and if you don't know what that is.lets put it this way.I slept 20 hours a day for two weeks straight. It's the sleeping illness.ain't that just ducky. And major thanks to everyone who sends ideas, for the next and final chapter I already know I'm using a few, people have already sent me. 


	15. Puddle O'Kikyo

Oh the Irony Chapter 14 Puddle O' Kikyo  
  
Alright I know I haven't updated..for.a while (cough cough) But I have the story completed now... This isn't the last chapter. The next one is, and I will probably have that out by next week. Thank you so much to everyone who has been reviewing!  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own don't sure.BEWARE THE PINK FRUIT! ************************************************************************ Kikyo stood stock still, her arrow pointed towards Inuyasha's head. The group stood stock still. What was up with everybody this week?  
  
"Aww come on not her!" Shippou whined, seemingly over his macho man mindset.  
  
"Not even I would grope that." Miroku mumbled. Sango glared at him from the corner of her eye.  
  
Inuyasha stood stock still, as if the very air had been stolen from his lungs.  
  
Kagome seethed.  
  
Kikyo's eyes flashed with hate as she pulled back her bow string a little tighter. "Die Inuya."  
  
"Hold it!" Kagome said, as she maneuvered herself directly in front of the undead women with major issues with moving on. One would think 50 years of deadness, and someone could jut say let by gones be by gones. She should talk to Operah.  
  
Kikyo looked with contempt upon her reincarnation. "Move!" Kikyo demanded, her regal yet oh so pompous voice demanded. (an: I think Goldie Hawn in the movie Overboard)  
  
Kagome was pissed.  
  
"Move this!" She charged her look alike. (an: hut one, hut two HIKE!)  
  
Sango, Miroku, Inuyasha and Shippou looked on in morbid interest, as the mikos locked arms.  
  
They were slipping.down that little embankment, into.MUD! (an: and what were u expecting?...originality? pheh)  
  
Sango ran foreword, perhaps to help her friend, or maybe just to get a better view. You decide.  
  
"Two beautiful women wrestling in the mud?" Inuyasha more or less said to himself, but Miroku and Shippou could here him.  
  
"This could prove interesting." Miroku said while trying to peek around Sango.  
  
Shippou stepped up along side the monk, having the advantage of height, or lack there of to see through Sango's legs. (an: something Miroku had wished he though of first!)  
  
"Kagome, hey your skirts falling off!" Shippou called to his adoptive mother. He was only trying to help. The other men however.  
  
"Move!"  
  
"Hey I wanna see!"  
  
"No I was here first!"  
  
"No you weren't I was!"  
  
"Hey what do you mean YOU WANNA SEE?" Inuyasha roared, grabbing the cloth of the monk's robes.  
  
Miroku's eyes had shrunk to about the size of peas. "Well I was.uh.well you shouldn't be looking either!" Miroku finished rather lamely. Sango whirled on both men. "Excuse me!" Her brown eyes danced with feministic rage, over the tow peeping toms checking out her friend.  
  
"It was his idea." Inuyasha dropped Miroku and folded his arms like a stubborn child.  
  
(an: but mommy he did it too!)  
  
Then like a clap of lightning Inuyasha realized something. "Hey I can look at her if I want, she's my mate!"  
  
Suddenly three pairs of eyes glued to him. His first thought was uh oh, quickly followed by oh no and finished with Kagome's going to rip off something vital.  
  
"Die bitch!"  
  
"I wouldn't be talking, cause the only bitch I see is you!" The rest of the gang turned to look at the dueling mikos just in time to see Kagome smash Kikyo's face into the mud. (an: something I know I'd like to see)Or they hoped it was Kagome. There was really a lot of mud.  
  
The two mikos continued grappling with one another and the gang turned its attention back to the red faced hanyou.  
  
"So mates huh?" Miroku waggled his eyebrows.  
  
"So is there anything else you two have been keeping from us!" Sango demanded, but anyone could see the glimmer of a smile at the corner of her lips.  
  
"Well she's pregnant."  
  
"WHAT!"  
  
"Oh I so saw this coming."  
  
"Cradle robbing, mommy stealer!"  
  
Needless to say one little fox demon was not thrilled.  
  
"Wait Inuyasha, if Kagome's pregnant should she really be fighting with Kikyo?" Sango asked.  
  
Inuyasha's eyes became the size of saucers. ((Moulder and Scully...again) "Flying saucers have been sited as far back as." "Moulder!" Scully grabbed his arm. "Look Moulder, we talked about this, now why don't we just leave the nice people alone." Moulder gave his adorable puppy pout face. (Aww!) Not even Scully could ignore a face like. "Look if we leave right now I'll let you find out if what they say about redheads is true. (Score one for Mrs. Spooky))  
  
Inuyasha dashed off down the bank into the mud. "Kagome the pups!"  
  
Kagome was too immersed in her fight that she completely blocked out anything else.  
  
Inuyasha managed to put himself in-between the two women, but that then led to another problem. He was now trapped in between two psychotic women. One of which blames him for her death, and pinned him to a tree for fifty years, only to return from the dead with the sole purpose of dragging him to hell, and the other, a girl from the future who is the reincarnation of the afore mentioned woman, whom he recently impregnated, and accidentally claimed as his mate.  
  
All together not the best position for him. And yet. "I think I had a dream like this once." He was still a man.  
  
He grabbed Kagome and lifted her out of the mud, running up to where the others were waiting for them.  
  
Kagome squirmed and kicked. "Let me at her, let me at her!"  
  
"Calm down wench!" Inuyasha said to the crazed woman. It was all he could do to hold onto her. It was at that point that she bit him.  
  
Inuyasha actually blushed; he leaned in and whispered in her ear. "Save that kinda stuff till later."  
  
"Ewies!" Shippou cried out his disgust, being the only one who heard.  
  
Inuyasha rounded on him. "Give it up midget, you were making out with the leather queen of the seventh hell earlier today!" Kagome looked disapprovingly at her mate.  
  
"Alright, alright everyone, I think we just need to calm down." Sango stepped foreword, being the voice of reason.  
  
"Die Inuyasha!"  
  
Kikyo had crept up behind them, with her bow and arrow.  
  
Inuyasha looked with irritation upon the undead mud person. "Shut up already!"  
  
(Mud people! beer people! Woodstock! Yay baby!)  
  
Shock registered on Kikyo's face. How could he say that to her? "This is your fault!" She turned her attention to the woman in Inuyasha's arms.  
  
Kikyo aligned her arrow with her new target and prepared to shoot.  
  
"FOX FIRE!"  
  
Kikyo's hair went up like a roman torch. She dropped her bow and arrow, as the red flames danced atop her head. (an: we don't need no stinking water, let that mother fucker burn!)  
  
"Ahhhhh!" Kikyo then started to run around flailing her arms wildly.  
  
Miroku looked towards the other. "You think maybe we should help her?"  
  
Sango had picked up Shippou and was watching with a silly smile on her face. "Well, why don't we wait just a few minutes?"  
  
It was Kagome who finally decided to do something. She walked over to the tree line and grabbed the bucket of water that was sitting there. (an: convenient, no?)  
  
While carry the bucket she calmly walked up the flaming priestess. *Splash*  
  
The water doused the fire, leaving a relieved psychopath in it wake. Well she was relieved until. "Oh no I'm meeeeeeeeeltinngggg! Meltingggggg!"  
  
Kikyo shriveled and shrank as her body collapsed from under her, leaving only a puddle in her memory.  
  
Shippou carefully tip toed up to the puddle O' Kikyo.  
  
The others looked on in horror and morbid fascination. "Who da thunk it?"  
  
(an: wake up you sleepy heads the wicked witch is dead!)  
  
************************************************************************ Please review! 


	16. Dog on a Leash

The Irony Chapter 15 A Dog on a Leash  
  
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh last chapter! Run in terror.  
  
************************************************************************ "Errr I hate him!" Kagome boiled with anger as she trudged through the woods, covered in mud.  
  
"He was just going to sit there and watch if I wasn't pregnant!"  
  
She smacked her hand against the closest tree.OWWW!  
  
(an: tree 1, Kagome butt kiss.)  
  
She clenched her throbbing hand, gritting her teeth. "This is all HIS FAULT!"  
  
The hot spring was in sight and she marched on.  
  
Off went the shirt.  
  
Down went the skirt.  
  
Away went the panties.  
  
And gone was the bra.  
  
Ahhhh nakedness...  
  
She walked up onto a rock over looking the water. As a last though she ditched the shoes and socks, now standing completely naked, yet mud covered. (an: Notice a theme?)  
  
Without preamble Kagome leapt from the rock into the sparkling blue pool.  
  
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  
  
She surfaced from the water yelping.  
  
"Not a HOT SPRING! So not a hot spring.!!!!!!"  
  
Mean while~  
  
"So what are you going to do?" Sango asked the pacing Hanyou. They were all back at camp, waiting for Kagome to wash up.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
Miroku looked up. "Well she's pregnant, shouldn't you marry?" He said as gently as he could.  
  
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN MARRY? We're already mates, that's good enough!" Inuyasha exploded.  
  
Sango and Miroku exchanged glances.  
  
"Errr."  
  
"Right..."  
  
"No good, dog faced mommy stealer." Shippou mumbled a little ways off from the group. He was sitting on the ground with a stick poking at a puddle.  
  
"Listen hear runt..." Sango stood up blocking Inuyasha from Shippou.  
  
"Look Inuyasha, maybe you should just take a walk, cool off a little, we all have a lot on our minds."  
  
Looking at her for a moment, Inuyasha finally huffed and turned around, walking off into the woods.  
  
It was only a few yards away that he picked up on Kagome's scent. It was as familiar to him as his own scent. A small smile crept onto his face as he detected the slight difference in her smell now that she was pregnant.  
  
He subconsciously began wandering in her direction. His steps quickened as her heard sounds of water splashing. (an: Peep Show in...5..4..3..2..1!)  
  
Skin, oh just so much skin. Kagome was before him, standing on up to her knees in the crystal clear water.  
  
She was shakily reaching down into the water, to splash it up on herself.  
  
"Sssooo Cccocold!" She squeaked as she continued to try and get rid herself of the mud.  
  
Without even thinking about it, Inuyasha stepped out into plain sight. (an: a stupid move in the sequence of many.)  
  
"Stupid wench, what do you think your doing? You're going to get sick if you stay in there!"  
  
Every muscle went taught in Kagome's body. "Inuyasha..." Her voice was deadly. (an: like Naraku's breath.)  
  
Inuyasha ignored the warning signs.  
  
Her twitching mouth.  
  
Her clenched teeth.  
  
The look in her eyes that said distinctly. "I WANT TO KILL YOU!"  
  
He stepped foreword foolishly. (an: fortune does not always favor the brave...)  
  
Kagome lunged out of the water towards her cloths. "Go away!" She yelled.  
  
He didn't listen. For whatever intentions he had to help her they would not be seen through. Kagome made it to her clothes and grabbed at one of her shoes.  
  
"Look Kagome can't we just talk?"  
  
Inuyasha was trying to be level headed, which was surprising...in fact shocking.  
  
TWACK!  
  
"Owww bitch what the hell you'd do that for?!" Inuyasha said while rubbing his head. So much for being level headed.  
  
"Get out of here, or the next shoe is heading south of your head and north of your knees!"  
  
Kagome declared brazenly while grabbing for the other shoe.  
  
Inuyasha had other plans though. Moving faster then Kagome's eyes could follow he slipped behind her, swiping the potentially lethal shoe from her grasp, and managing to slide a hand around her waist pulling her up against his body.  
  
Kagome gasped at the feel of his warm masculine hands on her cool naked flesh. (an: vivid description eh?)  
  
Tingles traced their way through her body radiating from wear his hands touched. For a few scant moments she was utterly in shock  
  
Inuyasha was also in a semi state of non cognitive thinking. Sure he knew he was touching Kagome. And sure he knew that he wanted to get her out of the cold water. But at that moment all he could concentrate on was the feel of her soft skin and the sound of her quickening heartbeat. His head unconsciously tightened on her waist as he heard her breath hitch.  
  
Nothing ever felt so right...except OH GOD! Her elbow landed squarely between his legs. Pain shot up through abdomen, so excruciatingly that his eyes flickered red. The devil woman in his arms sprung forward away from the now groaning man. SMACK! "You pervert!"  
  
Inuyasha never wanted to hurt a woman so bad since Kikyo bound him to a tree. But even she didn't mess with the little soldier. "You better start running bitch!" He ground out.  
  
Kagome stalked off towards he clothes then hurried into the woods; apparently she knew when she had to stop.  
  
Inuyasha growled as he watched he naked form disappear into the tree line. His aching groin still causing him great discomfort, His lowered his lower half into the water, hoping its coldness could help, but unfortunately he hadn't considered that the water was freezing. SHIT!  
  
Great now he had to find his balls.  
  
A ways away in the woods Kagome had met up with Sango and the others.  
  
"Arg I just can't believe him!" Kagome said after Sango had asked her what happened. "He actually grabbed you like that?" Sango asked incredulous.  
  
"Stupid no good dog turd." Shippou mumbled still poking the puddle. (an; hey some things never get old.)  
  
Kagome raised an eyebrow at that comment. "I think Koga needs to stop coming by." She said absently before turning back to Sango. "Anyway I don't really want to be hear when he gets back, so you think you could come with me and we could find a hot spring. I mean I really think I pissed him off when I hit him." Kagome looked sort of sheepish. "Well it wasn't like he didn't have it coming." Sango said.  
  
"What?!" Exclaimed Miroku. "No man deserves that, well except Naraku, and he just barely makes the cut."  
  
Both women whirled on him. "So what you're saying is that it's alright for Inuyasha just to waltz up and grab her when she tells him to leave her alone. (an: did they waltz in feudal Japan?) Do you think that it's okay for him to do what he wants just because he took her as his mate! Do you think its okay!!!!?" Sango was one scccccaaaaaaary chica.  
  
Miroku shrunk back, and Shippou halted his puddle poking. Quickly going over all the possible answers and outcomes of these particularly questions Miroku's very male mind came up with quite and ingenious answer. "err...No."  
  
Some of the anger drained from Sango's face. Ding Ding Ding we have a winner. "Your damn right." She said. "Let's go Kagome." Once the two women were out of sight Miroku looked over to Shippou.  
  
Shippou cracked a grin. "Nice save." (an; Feh men!)  
  
Miroku rubbed his head. "Yeah I guess it was." He laughed offhandedly. Suddenly a huffing sound was coming towards them "That Bitch!"  
  
Without even looking behind him Shippou said. "Hey Inuyasha."  
  
Not to far from the boys, the girls carefully made there way through the woods. To where Sango was sure was hot spring. It didn't take them too long to settle into the warm soothing water.  
  
Minutes passed and nothing could be heard but the contented sighs of two young women. But the outward appearance of supreme relaxation only hid the darker, seedier thoughts of the hot springs occupants.  
  
And in this quiet revere two women plotted. "Sango?"  
  
"Yes Kagome?"  
  
"Where is the necklace?"  
  
"With Miroku."  
  
A glint formed in the young mikos eyes. "Can we trust him?"  
  
Sango smiled, not the friendly open smile one would expect, but the insidious kind that only a women can manage when they are scheming together. (an: this happens more then you men out there know...muahahahahahah!!!!!)  
  
"I think I have him under control." Kagome looked surprised for a moment. "So you and Miroku huh?" Sango sighed. "And you and Inuyasha." Sango stated.  
  
Kagome leaned back against a rock, seeming to come to some sort of humorous thought. She looked over towards Sango with a grin quirking up the side of her mouth. "What were we thinking?"  
  
Back with the boys a sort of comfortable silence had fell as they half dozed in the mid afternoon sun.  
  
The sound heavy clopping of a horse pulling a heavy load broke the peacefulness. The three looked up to see a gray mare pulling along a cart with a single man in it, along with quite a few jugs.  
  
Inuyasha could see him best, with his enhanced vision, and what he saw confounded him. His mouth parted slightly, and his dark brows drew together. Shippou was the second to make out the unusual features of the man coming towards them. His young mind could not really comprehend the oddness so a very confuddled (an: it's a word! Errr) expression shown on his face.  
  
Lastly Miroku made out the distinguishing features of the man. One eyebrow quirked upward. (an: think the beach when you suddenly spy a 60 something man wearing a hot pink spedo)  
  
The man had a large hat, and unusually large hat, with a red headband of some type wrapped around his forehead. Also his clothes were...strange. Not like Kagome's. Weirder.  
  
His shirt was white and billowy. Inuyasha thought decidedly feminine. On top of this first shirt was a brownish vest, of sturdy looking material. His pants wern't so odd, but still unfamiliar.  
  
Now if had just been his clothes, he probably wouldn't have been so interesting. But to top it off his face was different. Like that of the western barbarians.  
  
His skin was bronzed from the sun, and was that make up on his eyes? He had dark hair but it was ...strange. Like it was matted into tendrils, and jewelry was braided in.  
  
As soon as he got close enough the man halted his horse and called out. "Would you fine gents happen to know where the nearest port would be?" He talked with a strange accent and flung one hand carelessly in a flamboyant manor. His eyes were wide and moved ...strangely.  
  
He was drunk...very drunk.  
  
Inuyasha gave a snort of disgust. Ignoring his companion Miroku stepped forward. "I believe the nearest fishing port is a few miles that way." He said pointing to the south. In the short time Miroku had been talking the man had climbed out of the cart and now was standing exceedingly close. He looked down the length of Miroku's arm and arched a brow.  
  
"A few miles you say?" The man was very close and the stench of some unknown alcohol was on his breath. Miroku grimaced.  
  
"There wouldn't happen to be any ships there...say big ships?" Miroku began to bend back wards.  
  
"I uh wouldn't know."  
  
"You don't know if there happens to be a large, vessel of questionable origins that has been unjustly thwarted from its captain who has the grand misfortune of ending up stranded on this rock. Where barely clothed natives threw rocks at said captain and stole...I do say stole his rum. Leaving him to cross half the bloody continent to retrieve it."  
  
"What?"  
  
"The rum man the rum!" The man had flipped his hand out again in the same flamboyant manor.  
  
Miroku was speechless. "Um I don't think I know anything about a ship."  
  
The man took a step back, considered Miroku's words, and shrugged. "Alright then."  
  
He then turned and climbed back onto the cart.  
  
Sighing at the strange encounter Miroku turned back to his companions. Both Shippou and Inuyasha just shrugged.  
  
"Well anyways, what are you going to do about Kagome? You two can't stay mad at each other like this."  
  
"Keh, why should I have to do something, this is her fault."  
  
The odd man began to chuckle to himself. Inuyasha's ear flattened back.  
  
"What the hell are you laughing at?"  
  
"Women are always right." The man leaned down from his wagon. "Well that's what you make them believe."  
  
"You seem to be on to something." Miroku said thoughtfully.  
  
It was an hour later that Inuyasha, Miroku and the strange man sat surrounded by empty jugs. Shippou lay sound asleep under tree, not being much for drinking.  
  
"So I's say o her, the bonfire never git us rescwed. The pretty wench welks over to the oder side..and derhs a ship of the royal fleet!" The man declared.  
  
The guys laughed not moving much from there splayed positions.  
  
"Well how bout dis..Sango, she ggits all hot and stuoff afta she eats dis pink frwt! Then she got pissed at me for being aggravated wt her after she tried to make a baby! Pink frrewt!"  
  
More laughter ensued.  
  
"Maybe you should try Hiccup* not grwping er." Inuyasha said looking pointedly at the monk, his stern face crumpled though and he burst into a fit of laughter, and took another swig of the foul concoction.  
  
"Well maybe he's not doin et rwight." The stranger suggested.  
  
"What d'ya mean?!" Miroku said, sounding as offended as a drunken man could be.  
  
"Well..." The man sat up, and brought his hands up to look at. "Do ya grab her bum.." He made a grabbing motion. "Or do ya caresss it?" He again made the motion.  
  
More laughter.  
  
"So...whata advice da ya half?"  
  
The man looked Inuyasha hazily. "Advice for you..." The man said flinging his hand out to point at Inuyasha. Inuyasha seemed confused by the question and cocked his head to the side for a moment.  
  
"Yah."  
  
"Duck."  
  
"What?"  
  
"When she goes to hit cha ...duck"  
  
Miroku and Inuyasha nodded very seriously. "Good advice."  
  
The strange man stumbled to his feet suddenly. "Well gents I must be off, I haf a ship to commondere."  
  
Miroku and Inuyasha also stumbled to their feet, in an attempt to say good bye to their strange new friend.  
  
The man staggered toward the cart and horse, but decided in stead of climbing into the now lighter cart, he would mount the horse.  
  
He scrambled his way onto the animal barely managing to swing his leg over its side. Though thoroughly pleased with himself for managing to get on, he was faced with a new problem.  
  
"Whed' the bloody head go?"  
  
Looking about confused all he saw was the cart, which was now in front of him.  
  
"Well that ain't right."  
  
Miroku and Inuyasha were in hysterics.  
  
Miroku seemed to think of something suddenly. "Hye whats your name?"  
  
The man looked up from his search of the elusive horse head, and swiped his hat off his head in a grand gesture that almost unseated him. "Captain Jack Sparrow." (an: I refuse to explain how he ended up in this story...just visualize...nice huh...yup now no one can complain about how Jack ended up in the feudal era.)  
  
He declared his name proudly and brought his hand down soundly on the horse's ass for emphasis.  
  
The once dozing animal started, and began to walk foreword at brisk pace. Jack brought two fingers up to his head and gave a sloppy salute to the two people still laughing their asses off at him.  
  
After watching Captain Jack slip out of sight the two remaining fell back against the grass in a drunken stupor.  
  
And that is how the girls found them a half an hour later. (an: if your keeping track that's an hour and a half the girls spent bathing! oHy my they must be pruny)  
  
"What the Hell has been going on here?"  
  
"Sango you've returned!"  
  
"Kagome, Inuyasha was mean to me...and he was drinking!"  
  
"You've been drinking!"  
  
"Oi stop you screeching!"  
  
"Gee you guys are pruny." (an: I told ya!)  
  
"I can't believe you guys, how could you be so irresponsible."  
  
"Plus you were drinking in front of a kid, what's wrong with you guys!"  
  
"Yeah"  
  
"How was your bathe?"  
  
"Lech!"  
  
"You're a Jerk!"  
  
"Stop Yelling!"  
  
"Where did you get this stuff anyway, I can't believe you guys!"  
  
"Captain Jack Sparrow."  
  
"I'm hungry."  
  
"Do I grab or caress?'  
  
"Lech!"  
  
"I'm hungry"  
  
"We can't leave you alone for an afternoon with out you guys doing something stupid."  
  
"Hey at least I'm not always getting knocked out or kidnapped."  
  
"Stop looking at my butt!"  
  
"I'M HUNGRY!"  
  
Everyone stopped to look at Shippou.  
  
"I'm kinda hungry too."  
  
"Yeah I could go for a little something."  
  
"Me too."  
  
"Feh"  
  
After all stomachs were filled an unsteady peace had fallen between the sexes.  
  
Or so one would have thought.  
  
Quietly in the cover of the foliage treachery abounded. Miroku slipped the necklace to Sango, whom had whispered sweetly in his ear until he did. Such things he never heard from a woman's mouth.  
  
Sango then took the necklace to Kagome, who quietly accepted it, all the while planning and scheming, waiting for an opportunity.  
  
Inuyasha could sense something odd in the group. There was tension thick in the air, and also a smell.  
  
Lifting his head he sniffed...what was it?  
  
Seeing her chance Kagome prepared to strike. Inuyasha was standing perfectly still head raised seemingly deep in thought.  
  
Taking the necklace in hand, she launched herself at him.  
  
Just as Kagome was springing toward him Inuyasha realized what the smell was. "Sesshomaru!"  
  
The leaves of the trees moved in unfeeling breeze an in an instant it was over.  
  
Kagome had pounced, and in a blur of silver and black she had the necklace on.  
  
Smugly looking down at her handiwork, Kagome's eyes became the size of saucers.  
  
"Sesshomaru?"  
  
Jumping to her feet Kagome stepped away from the demon lord. The demon lord who now happened to wear a certain binding necklace. "What is this?" Sesshomaru grasped the necklace gingerly.  
  
Kagome still bewildered. "It was meant for Inuyasha."  
  
Inuyasha growled and mumbled something about stupid wenches.  
  
Sesshomaru merely raised one delicate silver eyebrow and gave the necklace a sharp tug.  
  
A normal necklace would have broken, but this one didn't even come close.  
  
Angered by this turn of events Sesshomaru stepped towards Kagome with irritation in his eyes. "Take it off."  
  
Kagome's eyes were still large and she looked like a doe in the headlights of a car.  
  
Inuyasha feeling that his woman was in danger placed himself in between Sesshomaru and his pregnant mate.  
  
Sango went to Kagome pulling her away from the brothers, as Miroku prepared to aid Inuyasha if the need arose.  
  
"SIT!"  
  
Sesshomaru plummeted to the ground, his normally unemotional face contorting into one of shock.  
  
After the spell wore off he rose, with as much dignity that he could, but with a look of murder in his eyes.  
  
He charged Inuyasha, fully intending on going to through him and straight to Kagome.  
  
"Sit! Sit, Sit Sit Sit Sit Sit Sit Sit Sit Sit Sit!"  
  
Kagome panted out of breath.  
  
Inuyasha had never moved but instead a strange little smile had lit his face, the same kind of half crazy smile that he had on when she had accidentally taken his necklace off.  
  
Seeing that Shesshomaru wasn't going to be getting up any time soon, Inuyasha walked over to Kagome, the smile never leaving his face.  
  
"Will you marry me?"  
  
Jaws dropped all around. Miroku, Sango, Kagome and Inuyasha had left to the campsite to discuss what they were going to do about Sesshomaru.  
  
Well that's what they intended to do, but Miroku and Sango ended up making out in the bushes, While Kagome and Inuyasha discussed the seriousness of their relationship. (an: who am I kidding?) They were making out in the bushes too.  
  
Back at camp Shippou woke up from his long nap and was stunned to see Shesshomaru flattened to the ground with Rin merrily braiding his hair.  
  
Rin looked up at Shippou and smiled. "Want to help me braid Sessy's hair?'  
  
Looking around and not seeing his companions anywhere in sight Shippou shrugged and walked over to Rin. Seating himself on Sesshomaru's back beside her he began to braid the feared lord of the western lands hair.  
  
************************************************************************ THE END!  
  
Its over, done, finished! Please review!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And big thanks to everyone who read and reviewed this story! 


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